In the words of Logan Echolls, “I think we have a choice. I think we could take a tough, but survivable amount of pain now, or stay together and deal with unbearable pain later. So I vote for the pain now.”
It is with the heaviest hearts that David and I announce our breakup.
A whirlwind romance worthy of legends at first, it’s not really a secret that we’ve grown into people with very different priorities. I will always credit David with encouraging me to reflect on my issues and bad habits, and I am a better person for that. In the almost 2.5 years we were together, I finished school, wrote my licensing exam, dealt with a lot of emotional baggage I had left over from previous relationships and have made so many deep connections with amazing people.
David surrounds himself with wonderful, funny and caring people who see the best in him and I was very lucky to be among their company. Our motto was “Si non esses, neque essimus,” which translates to “If not for you, we would not be.” I used to think that it was about how two very different people managed to fall deeply in love without losing themselves. Now I see that the “you” really referred to the communities who loved us, who supported us and who (for lack of a better term), “shipped us.” Some of you will stay in my life, and I’m thankful for that.
There are no winners in this breakup, and I am miserable that it has come to this. It turns many of my plans for the future upside down, because I always imagined we’d be by each other’s side for all the professional and personal victories, holding hands and sharing everything with friends.
I’m not going to say we’re still good friends, or that there are no hard feelings, or anything else people usually say to appease people who don’t want to pick sides. Y’all will make your own choices regardless of this. I can say that I will be okay eventually, but I have a lot of work to do to get there, and it seems really overwhelming right now.
To everyone who has offered an ear, a meal or a drink: Thank you. I have felt very socially isolated in past breakups, so I appreciate those kindnesses more than you know. Please keep inviting me to things, but also please don’t be mad if I need to be a sad sack on my own sometimes.
To Dave’s family, who are some of the warmest, kindest and smartest people I have ever met: Thank you. Being included so seamlessly in Sunday dinners and the trip to Germany meant more than I can express. I will miss talking about books and sports and exchanging vegetarians recipes. I considered you all to be family, and losing that hurts more than I expected.
To David himself: You are a fireball of potential. Don’t squander that the way we squandered ours. We’ve talked so much about next steps and I hope you accept support from people who want to help you grow. I’m sorry I have to watch it from the sidelines.
Thanks for reading this far, folks. I know there’s something perverse about the airing of otherwise-private grief, but getting this out in the open now is preferable to telling stories 50 times via messenger. Feel free to ask questions IRL, though.
xoxo Allegra